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Thursday, January 29, 2004

"Screamability" More Important than Foreign Policy

9 out of 10 Americans following the Democratic nomination have stated in a Zagry poll that the ability to give an enthusiastic cheer without seeming nerdy or loud is more important than foreign policy. "When Kerry cheers it sounds like an old-fashioned ballyhoo," says Christopher Keane from New Hampshire, "When Dean cheers it's more like a growl mixed with a goofy yee-ha".

The consensus among those polled was that wars and foreign relations generally "take care of themselves", whereas political appearances depend entirely on the candidate in question. Other top concerns listed were the quality of the suits worn to speeches and whether or not the candidate had on clean underwear.

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